Jokes here!! ^^

If you have a good, funny or even a graceless joke... put it here

(avoid offensive jokes plz ^^)
(well ... if you put something offensive here is not my responsibility after all xD)

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A soldier in Iraq received a letter from his girlfriend, who said the following:

"Dear Paul:

We can not continue our relationship. The distance that separates us is great. Confess that I have been unfaithful several times since you went away, and we do not deserve this! So, I think it is better to finish everything! Please, send back my picture that I sent you.

With love, Carol. "

The soldier, very hurt, asked all his colleagues to lend him photos of their girlfriends, sisters, cousins, ...

Together with Carol’s photo, he put all the other photos that could collect on an envelope.
In his letter to Carol were 98 photos along with a note that said:

"Dear Carol:

It happens. I apologize, but I can't remember who you are! Please search your photo in the envelope and send me back the rest.

With love, Paul! "

^^

Bill Gates goes to purgatory.

St. Peter says, "Now Bill, you have done some good things, and you have done some bad things. Now I am going to let you decide where you want to go".

First, St. Peter shows Bill an image of Hell with beautiful women running on beaches. Then, St Peter shows Bill an image of Heaven with robed angels playing harps on clouds.

Bill chooses Hell.

About a week later, St. Peter checks in on Bill in Hell and finds him being whipped by demons.

Bill says to St. Peter, "What happened to all the beautiful women and the beaches?"

St. Peter replies, "That was just the screen saver."

A very religious man lived right next door to an atheist. The religious man prayed every single day and night, spending much time at church, while the atheist never even thought of such acts.

However, the atheist's had a good life. An excellent, well-payed job, and a beautiful wife, lovely, healthy, children, whereas the religious man's job was stressful and his wages were low, his wife was getting fatter every day ,and his kids were obnoxious, and non loving.

So one day, while deep into his regular prayer, he looked towards heaven and asked, "Oh God, I honour you every day, I ask your advice for every problem and confess to you my every sin. Yet my neighbour, who doesn't even believe in you and certainly never prays, seems blessed with every happiness, while I go poor and suffer many an indignity. Why is this?"

A great voice bellowed out from above, "BECAUSE HE DOESN'T BOTHER ME ALL THE TIME!"

No offensive jokes? Grrrr.... I'm going back to my cave..

nobody likes jokes here...

A man and a priest are golfing.

The first hole: The man shoots (clubs, putts, whatever) and misses. He says "God Dangit! I always miss!"

The second hole: The man shoots and misses. He says,"God Dangit! I always miss!"

The thrid hole: The man shoots and misses. He says "God Dangit! I always miss!" Afterwards the priest replies,"If you keep saying that, God will smite you from the heavens!"

This goes on for the next few holes.

The eighteenth hole: The man shoots and misses. He says "God dangit! I always miss!" The priest replies,"I warned you!"
Lightning comes down from the heavens and smites the priest. "God dangit! I always miss!"

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My friend told me this one
Jokes forever
-Goodbert

Nice one Godbert ^^ " I always miss!" kkkk

A priest, a pastor and a rabbi were talking about various subjects, in a certain time they start talking about tithes.

And the priest says:

I draw a circle on the floor then i throw up the money, which falls within the circle is for the church, which falls off is mine.

The pastor:

I use the same method, but that which falls within is mine.

The rabbi:

I just throw up the money,what God takes is his...

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xD I had to post this kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk