March Newsletter

**Funny_Reaver** Thu Mar 07, 2013 3:44 pm

Comments from the Editor:

I’m posting this thing later than usual this month, i.e. not on the first day. Classes are back in session for me, lotta crazy stuff’s happened, i’m gonna keep it blunt and to-the-point this time. Shoot me.

~Nostalgic Reaverbot

THIS JUST IN!
____________________________________________________________________________________

~Guild Titles, Over Here!

~Remember to pay guild hall room rent (mail to Valene) by Sunday. If you are not renting, make sure to donate at least 4k cr to the treasury each week!

~Aurora-Nri is back! Please continue to send all your mistwell donations to her.

If you have any questions, please send the following staff a mail or in-game pm!

General membership: Any Officer or GM online.

Guild records & Mistwell: Alphappy

Guild Rent: Valene

Guild Titles: Valentine-Vk

Guild Events (if you wish to organize one or have any questions): Valene

Lockdown: Redhawkone or Alphappy

Blast Network: Readreact

Guild News: ____________________________________________________________________________________

General Conduct:

March. It’s green. It’s full of alcohol. It glorifies a Romano-British Bishop who happened to live in Ireland. It’s luck based. People see rainbows. People lust for gold. Etcetera. Etcetera. Come to think of it, all of these things listed could be attributed to any average day. Minus the Bishop, he’s a special case. But all of these things I have listed are acknowledged a little more than usual this month compared to others. But just a little.

Don’t let your drunkenness, whether it be underaged, predisposed, or a means to cope, get in the way with your interactions with your guildies. Be kind, be courteous, be respectful, be mature, all that jazz. Be a good guy, not a jerk. Jerks are not welcome in Aurora, unless if they are contractually obliged to be one.

General Guild Hall Etiquette:

“ This [Guild Hall] is a creature of Chaos. It may take many incarnations.” ~Alcard

I mentioned Guild Hall Themes and Environments in last month’s newsletter. Don’t believe me? Take a look. Scroll down. If you’re done reading that, I briefly mentioned that the Cooling Chamber theme seemed a bit too eerie for Aurora’s usual tastes. Others in the guild have agreed that the Cooling Chamber looked too eerie to represent Aurora, so that theme had to go, and in it’s place is the Power Complex with it’s somewhat more vibrant shades of orange and turquoise, as well as a tinge of tan on the side. Also, the rain had to go, and in it’s place are ashes fluttering about all around the hall. Goodbye gloomy fog, muted blue palette, and perpetual indoor rain. Hello more varied palette and hidden incineration plant. Still beats the default theme by a longshot.

We also acquired an exquisite array of ghostly-themed furniture during the Black Kat event! Featuring, but not limited to: a handful of one-man loveseats designed to eat up free space! A handful of fancy-looking antique chairs that do not take up as much space, but limited in supply! An old, small, dusty table that looks like a chess table made out of wafer crackers! Old multicolored lamps that still utilize candescent lighbulbs! The dusty, bony remains of our enemies! Mewti The Mewkat! And several more! Feel free to look through our full catalog of ghostly furniture... later. Now in magenta and puke green!

Remember! Our upkeep is still at 209,500 crowns per week! Be sure to donate at least 4,000 crowns a week so we can still keep this hall. Yes, March MAY be the month of gold, leprechauns, and stinginess, especially the last one, but don’t let your lust for fortune get in the way of keeping this Hall as healthy as ever.

If you’re feeling fruity, You’re free to rent a room in our hall. You can decorate it yourself, have a friend or guildy help you , or have Ankoku Flare work up her room-sprucing magic for you! Also, to guildies who are currently renting a room, make sure to send your payments to Valene this time ‘round via ingame mail or trade if you see her on. Check out the link for more details.

Mist Well Policy:

“…Keep in mind that the purpose of the mist well is to allow members to help each other… [If] you have withdrawn from it in the past, please donate when you have the funds in the future.” ~Valene

If you want to donate to the mist well but are unable to reach the minimum capacity of 500CE, send whatever donations you have to give to Aurora-Nri, via In Game Mail or Trade, and she’ll do the rest. The Officers and GMs monitor well usage, so we’ll let you know about how much mist you’re allowed to take out. Remember: Use GOOD! Abuse BAD. Abusing the well WILL get you demoted. Or kicked. Or both. Don’t abuse. Do not.

The Official Guild vs. Guild Lockdown Team:

Mushy Bucket has come back, and he has conjured up an ever-so ambitious idea to create a Lockdown team for Aurora. There are several players in this guild who play Lockdown on a daily basis, several who have a very firm grasp on how the game works, and several who have managed to reach top damage on the scoreboards on a daily basis. None of those apply to me, the writer, but if you believe you are confident in your abilities, or if you want to have fun playing Lockdown with your fellow guildy, then take a look at the link provided and sign up!

Guild Titles:

Got all of the in-game achievements? Want to challenge yourself with certain restrictions? Want to do something out of the ordinary in your regular-ol’ missions, just to spice a few things up? Look no more, we now have a thing called Guild Titles! These are fun little in-game achievements devised from this guild for this guild to put another twist onto your Spiral Knighting experience. Be sure to take a screenshot or have an Officer or GM run with you to get these titles. Check out the link for more details.

February’s Guild Event Recap(s): ___________________________________________________________________________

(2/9)

It was February. It was pink. It was full of contrived love. The GMs decided to bring back the idea of dressing all of us up in our trademark ‘Emberbreak-and-JellyMail’ uniforms, seeking out each and every one of our individual friends, in and out of this guild, and GLOMP the crap outta them! And we did. The wave of Aurorians have washed through the several different counterparts to Haven in a pink wave of squishiness, suffocating each of our individual targets while startling the passing bystanders who have watched in awe as we tore through towns and guild halls alike in a tremendous torrent of tantalizingly tender tubbiness. Our victims ended up scared, confused, happy, sad, every emotion you can name off of the top of your head! But, in the end of the day, our stampede of slippery sliminess was all in the name of love and spreading it all around~inmorewaysthanone! And we, at Aurora, have more or less succeeded in doing just that. ‘Cause that’s how we squish.

And, there was a month-long photo shoot somewhere, where we would gather up our friends and snap some pictures for prizes, or something like that, I don’t know.

(2/23)

THE FOLLOWING SCENE IS A FICTIONAL EVENT BASED OFF A FICTIONAL DRAMATIZATION OF ANOTHER FICTIONAL EVENT. ACTIONS AND PERSONALITIES OF THESE CHARACTERS ARE INACCURATE AND MAY HAVE BEEN ALTERED FOR THE SAKE OF A CHEAP LAUGH. VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED.

Scene: Aurora’s Fabulous Guild Hall, XX:XX AM/PM, Random Standard Time. Cue sitcom transition music.

(Enter Goodbert, Chinezee-Foo, and Nostalgicreaverbot. The three of them sit down at the nearest visible table of the week.)

NOSTALGICREAVERBOT: Good work, men! today’s run inside of the Firestorm Citadel turned out much better than anticipated! All thanks to my prowess and leadership, of course!

GOODBERT: You were hoarding all of the health pills for yourself while you left us to kill the slags.

(Stock Laugh Track)

CHINEZEE-FOO: And, i’m a girl.

(Even more obnoxious Laugh Track)

NOSTALGICREAVERBOT: Ah, yes, but somebody had to be on standby to revive you, you see! Didn’t want anybody to carelessly eat up those pills under any sort of mislead desperation!

CHINEZEE-FOO: Kinda like you throughout the run?

(Stock Laugh Track)

NOSTALGICREAVERBOT: Hey, now! I was in actual danger that time! It was overwhelming! The slags were far more vicious than before!

GOODBERT: The slags were no different than before. Maybe there were a few more here and there, but they were still standard enough game for you to handle, Bot.

(Stock Giggling Track this time)

NOSTALGICREAVERBOT: HEY! You got to understa-

CHINEZEE-FOO: Why are you acting like an incompetent pompous jerk today? Well, moreso than usual?

(Stock Laugh Track)

NOSTALGICREAVERBOT: What are you ranting on abou-

GOODBERT: What are we even doing here in the first place? Some dumb sketch sitcom gag hoping to gage a quick laugh?

(Stock ‘Oh Snap’ Track)

CHINEZEE-FOO: Any reason why you’re using us for your poor sense of humor?

(Stock Laugh Track again)

NOSTALGICREAVERBOT: Say, remember the time when we all raced against each other with Red and a few others in the Royal Jelly Palace again? You know, that one race when Gibb was bombarding us with needless trivia to answer as we ran through?

(Goodbert and Chinezee-Foo exchange glances)

GOODBERT: He’s ignoring us again.

CHINEZEE-FOO: Typical.

(A Giggling Track this time)

NOSTALGICREAVERBOT: It was intense! The fact that we had to hop over those gelatinous globs of sentient goo WHILE doing active research was a bit much to handle!

(Flashback Harp)

CHINEZEE-FOO: Are we seriously doing a flashback...?

(Laugh Track)

Scene: A flashback of the Royal Jelly Palace. In wondrous monochrome to add emphasis on the fact that it is a flashback. Nostalgicreaverbot, Chinezee-Foo, Goodbert, Redhawkone, Turtle-Ninja, and Saph-Fire were sprinting through the brown-tinted grass, knocking away gelatinous cubes with their brandishes, caliburs, alchemers, and the like. Gibberishly stood on an elevated platform above the entire palace with her arms crossed, watching the six knights butt heads with one another.

NOSTALGICREAVERBOT: I remember, we all started out neck-to-neck with one another. I was about to gain the upper-hand, but then she had to break my groove!

GIBBERISHLY: Whattypeofenemiesdealpiercingdamage!?

NOSTALGICREAVERBOT: BE3TSASADNANLSO<ES!

(Another Laugh Track)

(Nostalgicreaverbot gets trampled over by a couple of slimes, followed by the sprinting knights.)

GIBBERISHLY: For a robot, you really need to update your spell checker.

(Bawling Track)

EVERYONE ELSE: Beasts and Slimes.

GIBBERISHLY: Correct! Points to everyone who doesn’t have ‘bot’ in their name!

GOODBERT: But I answered the question correctly! Waitshestalkingaboutreavernevermind~!

(Laugh Track)

NOSTALGICREAVERBOT: Must you all rub salt in my wound...?

SLIME#1: *Squish*(I hate salt. Too much sodium.)

(LOL Track)

SLIME#2: *Squish* (What are these guys doing back in the palace AGAIN?)

(ROFL Track)

SLIME#3: *Squish* (Squish.)

(LMFAO Track, followed by Stock Applause)

NOSTALGICREAVERBOT: And you all had the GALL to spit on me for my little blunder! For SHAME!

(Stock ‘One Guy Chuckling’ Track)

GOODBERT: I don’t exactly remember us mocking you down there.

CHINEZEE-FOO: Weren’t we in teams, working together during that race?

NOSTALGICREAVERBOT: Imnotdoneyetletmefinish! Nearing the end of the race, however, I was able to speed past all of you, and made it to the Jelly King first!

NOSTALGICREAVERBOT: HA! You can’t stop me NOW, you AMATEURS!

CHINEZEE-FOO: Pretty sure you, me, and Bert were in a team, Bot.

(Laugh Track)

NOSTALGICREAVERBOT: HUSH! Not done yet! Anyways, I was at bounds with the Jelly King once more!

NOSTALGICREAVERBOT: We meet again, Jelly King! I shall vanquish you once again and claim my title as the fastest and savviest of them all!

GIBBERISHLY: Whatglandinsideoftheendocrinesystemsecreteshormonesthroughoutyourbrainandbody!?

NOSTALGICREAVERBOT: PITUITARY! Heheh, sounds like ‘ptooey...’

(Rimshot)

ROYAL JELLY: *Squish* (What? Wait, i’ve seen you before. You’re one of those ‘Aurora’ kids, running around my place, up to something stupid again, aren’t you? Wonderful. Listen, i’m not in the mood to play with you right now, so please, feel free to take the elevator out of here and just leave me alone.)

NOSTALGICREAVERBOT: So, it’s a call to bat-

GIBBERISHLY: Whoplayedlesterburnham!?

NOSTALGICREAVERBOT: Whatkindof-

REDHAWKONE: Kevin Spacey!

(Laugh Track)

NOSTALGICREAVERBOT: ...Yes. So, it’s a call to battle, is it!? Very well! I share your sentiments! EN-GARDE, JELLY KING!

ROYAL JELLY: *Splursh* (Wait, that’s not what I said! Bah! Forget it. I swear, this happens to me every day. All I ask, just one quiet day without all of these knights coming and tearing me a new one, is that too much to ask for!? Also, why does everybody keep calling me this ‘Jelly King?’)

NOSTALGICREAVERBOT: ...And then, I proceeded to lay the smackdown on the Jelly King myself with my trusty Combuster!

GOODBERT: Bot, we were there fighting the Jelly King alongside with you.

CHINEZEE-FOO: Pretty sure Bert and I were fending of the Jelly King, while you were helplessly flailing your Combuster around.

(Laugh Track)

GOODBERT: Also, Gibb never asked any of those kinds of questions.

CHINEZEE-FOO: And I don’t recall the Jelly King being an existentialist...

(Chuckle Track)

CHINEZEE-FOO: What’s with all of the obnoxious laughing? And why are they laughing at everything we’re saying?

NOSTALGICREAVERBOT: Youguysarenofun. Ahem! After another successful dethroning of the Jelly King, I gallantly sprinted back to our Guild Hall, confident that I was the victor of the race! But, to my dismay, I found that all of you have already beaten me to the finish line!

TURTLE-NINJA: Hey, the Bot’s finally here! Where’ve you been?

SAPH-FIRE: You took a while to get back here, so we all had the ceremony without you. You missed out on some interesting rewards.

REDHAWKONE: Sorry, Bot. You missed out big time.

GIBBERISHLY: Indeed, you have. Better luck next time, Reaverbot... *Crosses Arms and Cackles Incessantly*

NOSTALGICREAVERBOT: It was a dark chapter in the book of the Reaverbot... But never again, shall I repeat my shortcomings. I have learned something valuable from that experience. I have learned that Gibberishly is malevolent and will plot our downfall one day, and that all Jelly cubes are the scourge of Cradle and should be treated as such! With my newfound knowledge in one hand, my Combuster in the other, and in the name of Aurora, I, Nostalgicreaverbot, will KNOCK YOU ALL DOWN!

(Beat)

CHINEZEE-FOO: ...Are you finished?

NOSTALGICREAVERBOT: Noooope. Not yet.

(Lau- You get the idea)

CHINEZEE-FOO: *Lets out a deep sigh.*

NOSTALGICREAVERBOT: ...Okay, now i’m finished! Any questions?

(Take a guess)

CHINEZEE-FOO: ...Yeah, was anything in that story actually true?

NOSTALGICREAVERBOT: Of course it was! I’d never lie to you guys!

GOODBERT: That might be true for the real-life-in-game You, but that’s extremely debatable for the shallow-sketch-comedy-script You.

(Confused Emotions Track)

CHINEZEE-FOO: Speaking of ‘script,’ I want to ask you again... Why are you using us for some stupid run-on gag to compensate for a summary?

(Zoom up to Nostalgicreaverbot’s stupefied face, followed by Sitcom Transition Music, Fade Out, and Stock Applause)

ANNOUNCER: ‘Aurora And Me’ will be right back... or not!

Again... make sure to check out the main page for any upcoming events. But judging by the fact that you've come across this page, you probably already have.

Closing Statement:

And that’s that. Keeping it blunt. If you have any requests, criticisms, anything at all that I can add to the next newsletter, please do not hesitate to tell me. If anything, it’ll help make this job easier for me. This is a player with an obnoxiously long name, signing out.

*This Newsletter has been brought to you by VanaCare and VanAid: Because there’s gotta be something that’s bringing all of these bosses back to life 24/7.*

**andersenio** Thu Mar 07, 2013 5:27 pm

Wow, thats the most inspirational and funny thing I've ever read. You could so do that for a job xD

**Valene** Thu Mar 07, 2013 5:57 pm

Brilliant! Uproariously entertaining! 5 stars, 2 thumbs, a bushel of
fresh tomatoes, and all dentists agree that "Aurora and Me" is this
season's new smash hit! Writer/Director/Producer/Actor/Grip/Costumer
Nostalgicreaverbot is a breakout star!